I’m sitting here thinking about life’s phases—what I call the “3rd chapter.”
As I’m sharing my journey here, I started out pretty narrow-focused, growing up on an Indiana farm where my brother and I battled it out in the front yard over football and basketball.
Back then, it was all about me—my goals, my wins, my survival in the ‘sibling rivalry’ family dynamic. But as I’ve aged, I’ve realized that life’s richest moments come not from taking, but from giving.
That’s what the 3rd chapter should be about.
We all start as selfish beings—it’s natural. As kids, we’re wired to focus on our own needs, like I was when I chased football dreams after my first season of organized football at the age of 13. Even into my 20s and 30s, I was driven by personal achievements—building a career in sales, starting a business, pursuing passions like snow skiing and golf.
But science tells us our brains don’t fully mature until our mid-20s, so it’s no surprise that unselfishness takes time to grow. My own empathy developed slowly, shaped by experiences like watching my uncle Bill struggle after Vietnam and seeing my mother left with little after my parents’ divorce despite her contributions to our family.
The 3rd chapter—our later years—should be about acceptance that life isn’t forever. As with everyone, I’m growing older (but still alive!) and I’ve learned we gain more by giving our time, money, energy, and focus to others. Raising my kids, volunteering with 4-H, coaching football, even deciding to donate my brain to the Concussion Legacy Foundation—it’s these acts that bring me deeper fulfillment than any material possession ever did.
Yet, it’s disheartening to see how, in the U.S. and globally, we’ve become less willing to help our fellow man. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I saw how isolation made us more self-focused, and that trend seems to have stuck. It’s a challenge we need to face head-on.
Embracing benevolence in this chapter aligns with my core values of acceptance and balance. It’s about living with purpose, as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes in Flow – finding joy in the moment, whether that’s mentoring someone, sharing a skill, or simply listening. I’ve found that giving doesn’t drain me; it energizes me.
It’s a mindset shift: instead of asking “what can I get,” we ask “what can I give?” That’s how we live our best life in the 3rd chapter.
I’d love to hear your thoughts—how are you giving back, or planning to, in your own 3rd chapter?
Share your ideas in the comments below. Let’s inspire each other to make this phase about unselfishness and connection, building a tribe that values lifting each other up.
Here’s to a chapter of giving!
Brian